What The HELL Happened!?!?

**Written 12-30-08***

Ok. So this is my first Blog entry and it could be my last of 2008. **Nervous Anxiety** So, Here it goes.......



What the hell happened to me? What happened to me that made me this non-closer of a relationship or sexual act kinda guy? So, I recently had a friend ask me how long has it been since I had sex, and I told her it was approaching a year on January 5th (It's extremely rare, but there are anomalies to the male species that aren't predicated solely on sexual intercourse) and she reacted funny to it.



Immediately, I had several thoughts jump into my head as to how I'm to ascertain the meaning of her "funny" reaction. It could be one of a couple of things, they are as follows:

• A- She just didn't believe me because I'm attractive and no way should I have gone that long without dropping the bomb on some young lady.


• B- She didn't believe me because I'm attractive and I could be lying.


• C- She believed me, and I'm some sort of loser with no game or extreme sexual prowess (basically, suck at how to get a woman).


• D- She believed me, but figured "hey, it's been a year and he probably sucks in bed"!

Now, her "funny" reaction set off a chain of events in my head which prompted me to explore within myself just what's going on with me in that department. First of all, I don't fault her at all for her reaction so I wasn't offended or anything. I do however hope that she's not the judgemental type, meanwhile launching an anti-judgment campaign against people who judge her. It just wouldn't make sense. I presume that's not the case, but again, she's not the issue. Not even remotely. The issue at hand is, just what's wrong with a man going a year without sex!

This is not to say that I haven't entertained sexual overtures and advancements, however slight, nor does it imply that I haven't made advances, but the only truth is for no matter the reason, it just hasn't happened. For me, it's not a big deal. It kind of falls in the category of things I can't really control. The way I see it is, if it's to happen, it'll happen. Maybe that thinking's backward and lends itself to the reason why I'm in this position in the first place, but for all intensive purposes, it's the only way I can weed out the real from the fake and the contenders from the fluke.

My philosophy on sexual attraction is this: "You want something or someone bad enough, you'll do whatever to get it, ESPECIALLY conveniently". This is the rule I go by when dealing with women. See, women in this DMV area desire to be chased (most women do as a whole), but in my experience, I've noticed that they become more aggressive when they are infatuated or enamored with something or someone. Check this example out:

So I'm at the club, Ibiza in N.W. I see a young lady that I know from work! This young lady has flirted with me from time to time, but when I try to make advances she says, "I'm not looking at the moment, I'm not into having sex with anyone right now". Now I'm not entirely stupid, but that does suggest that she's not interested in me for whatever reason. Anyways, I hear her talking to her bestie about how she needs sex and would sleep with just about anyone at the moment. But she goes on to talk about a random guy in the club that she's going to try to get it in with and how attractive he looks.

I surely don't know the outcome of that situation, but I did take a mental note of the scenario. Not sure if my point was received, but to me it says that women have many strict rules to which they adhere, but each rule has an exercisable clause that exonerates them from said law. I call this, the DMV rule.

Anyways, I haven't had sex for close to a year and I can honestly say (save for one to two occurences) that I don't really miss it either! Now I'm not completely crazy, I AM a GUY, but it's like that old saying goes..... "out of sight, out of mind"! I can't say that I'd be terrible or bad at it (sex) since I've been off the books for this long either. I'm WAAAAAAYYYYY too competitive and way to sexually arrogant to be anything less than good. Sometimes shit happens, but 90% of the time I'm the "cat's meow". DEFINITELY no complaints....

I don't mean to toot my own horn but, BEEP BEEP......

Maybe I'm reading into this stuff too deeply. I have been known to do that from time to time, but eh, I wouldn't have a sketchy mind if it weren't the case......

A Preface For What Exactly? & Why?

Okay, so this is my first actual blog posting (although I've done a blast here and there on "Their"space and other crapola sites) and there are some things that are cloudy to me about this blogging environment. Most of which have to do with self, come to think of it, all of them have to do with self but I'll address them the best way I can without losing anyone who actually decides to read these clear and concise, yet occasionally cynical and shallow, random outbursts that make up my blog. They are as follows:

• Why?
• Who Cares?
• Thought for today

It is these points that I'll address first to kinda of make sense to this Jambalaya-esque brain fart of a literary collection. Hopefully, this might actually turn out to be a memorable experience for me and whosoever shall share in my expressed opinions and feelings. Um..... Whatever!!! I'll just get into it!

WHY

So, I have a couple of friends who are blog posting faithfuls that occupy different sides of the spectrum that we know as rational thought. One, is a very deep and militant thinker who stops several theories short of a conspiracy theorist. The other, is a free-bird thinker whose impulsive nature and candid tongue is remarkably and weirdly comprehensible if you really try to understand their nature. These two liberalists are iconic of the symmetry in my brain, where I have to two different rationales taking up residence in the two hemispheres of my brain. These two entities, if you will, always fight for position constantly with one no more superior than the other.

Now, I know this sort of thing takes place in most people, but I have sincere issues with the control of these two personalities as I mature. The left brain, the logical sweet hearted, p*ss# of a person (who shall be known as D going forward) is the boyscout. This wholesome, respectful, courteous, selfless, prick is living proof that chivalry isn't dead. This would give up his life to save ANYTHING or ANYONE that he has given value. The problem with this is, society has moved on from this style of thinking since er....um.... the 50's and it's rare that you come across people like this. EXTREMELY rare. I mean, you're more likely to find a 4 leaf clover, as well as Bigfoot, than to find someone that gingerly. Not to say they don't exist, they're just not abundantly stumbled upon.

The right brain, the rogue, suave, debonair, business minded, Dame Dash of an asshole (who shall be known as B going forward) is troublemaker, or affectionately called by associates "Extremist". This arrogant, selfish, crude, hateful, spiteful, sarcastic, & sadistic bastard could be the bane or blessing of my existence. Whenever D shuts down or runs into a corner to weep or hide from trauma, B steps in and handles shit! Like I said previously in the passage, society has moved past the "brotherhood/family" mentality into today's JUST ME mentality! This is where B flourishes.

The problem, is static between the two. I can't control these fuckers! They come out when they want to and retire when they want to. I have love/hate relationship with both, but I need more control over them. With that being said, I've read through my friends' blog postings and have found their writings to have symbolism and feel that maybe if I can write my random thoughts out, maybe I can learn to control D & B better. But I haven't written in well over a decade (except verses to my songs) so I have to feel my way back! This is therapeutic and hopefully it'll be fun too! I figure, I'd give random thoughts. Thoughts that you would normally think, but not say. Maybe, just maybe, you'll feel me......

WHO CARES?

I don't know? Do you? I mean, this blog is just my feelings thrown onto cyberspace to exorcise my suppressed feelings. It is in writing that I become the master of my own world, as in that of a Manifest destiny.

manifest destiny
noun
a policy of imperialism rationalized as inevitable (as if granted by God)

It is here that I can be a deity, masquerading as a commoner, or Superman, masquerading as Clark Kent. I heard that comparison in a movie once. I thought it was an ill concept. The passage continued that Superman was the only Superhero out of the entire spectrum of heroes that was born into his ego, yet it was his dumbed down, protective custody style alter ego (Clark Kent) that was what he pretended to be. I feel like that about myself. I AM something more. I AM more than just a mere mortal. The world will soon see..... mwhahahahahahah....

uh.... that was my evil laugh.....

THOUGHTS FOR TODAY

Each new post will have a random thought at the end. Some sort of buffoonery or fuckery just to have it! Why not? Not much else to say about that.....

CONCLUSION

That's pretty much it! This thesis styled blog was just the beginning. I'll cut loose from the bullshit frame of a structure when I post the postings. This was to kind of channel where I'm going and make it so you at least understand where I'm coming from. I hope it's.... I hope it's.......... Fuck it, it's just words man.....